Lesson 1291: GIVE. Maintaining Relationships: Gentleness, Interest, Affirmation, and Ease.
Duration:75 minutes
Topic Introduction:
This lesson will introduce the second core of the DBT interpersonal effectiveness technique—GIVE, which helps you maintain the likelihood that the other person will want to continue interacting with you in relationships without sacrificing your self-worth. GIVE consists of four elements: Gentle, Interested, Validate, and Easy Manner.
For individuals with borderline personality traits, interpersonal relationships often oscillate between "trying too hard" and "complete withdrawal," while GIVE offers a gentle yet powerful middle ground. It's not about appeasement or forcing things, but about allowing dialogue to continue and relationships to be repaired or stabilized through respect, curiosity, and openness. This course will guide you through understanding the role of each GIVE technique in real-life interactions and practice maintaining a gentle atmosphere, reducing hostility, and minimizing misunderstandings even in highly emotional situations, thus establishing a safe rhythm and texture for long-term relationships.
▲ AI Interaction: Make Relationships Breathe Easier with GIVE
Think back to the last time you had a tense interaction with someone. Write down three moments that made the atmosphere awkward.
Next, write down a corresponding "give" action for each moment: a gentle expression, an action that shows interest, a word of affirmation, or a response that lightens the mood.
Rewrite it, changing each GIVE version to sentences that you can actually say without feeling forced, making them natural and actionable.
Click the button below to design your "1291 GIVE Relationship Stabilization Action Table" with AI.
○ GIVE · Music Therapy
Choose a soft, spacious piece of music and use it as an "emotional cleanser" before you practice giving.
Practice slow inhalation and exhalation to music, so that your tone naturally becomes softer, rather than stiff or sharp.
While listening, please silently repeat to yourself: "I can be gentle yet firm."“
Aromatherapy Drink: Orange Blossom and Chamomile Mild Drink
Recommended reasons:Orange blossom has a gentle, comforting quality, while chamomile can relieve tension, providing a mental and physical foundation for a "gentle attitude" in practicing GIVE, allowing you to loosen up your body a little before interacting.
usage:Take 2g of orange blossom and 2g of chamomile, and steep in 85°C hot water for 4 minutes. While drinking, pay attention to the diffusion of the aroma, helping your body shift from a defensive to an open state.
○ Gentle Root and Stem Soup (Christian Fasting Style)
A mild and warm soup made with potatoes, pumpkin, and carrots and a little olive oil symbolizes the dietary habit of "reducing sharpness".
The minimalist diet in the fasting tradition helps the mind and body return to center, providing a stable inner rhythm for maintaining relationships.
For those who tend to overreact in relationships, mild, simple, and non-stimulating foods can help you maintain a calm and gentle approach to communication.
gentle rhythm
stable relationship
Healing Recipes
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Psychological Mandala
Psychological Healing: Psychological Mandala Imagery 42
No need to draw, just watch.
Gazing at the center of the mandala, notice how the lines unfold gently, like a tender conversation, allowing the relationship to slowly develop.
If you are afraid of misunderstanding or conflict, let your gaze linger on a gentle arc and remind yourself: some expressions need to be expressed slowly and softly.
Viewing a mandala is about shifting your attitude from defensive to open.
Watch the mandala three times, and each time make yourself a little softer.
○ Italian Renaissance · Humanist Script
The peaceful structure and steady rhythm of Humanist Script make it an ideal way to practice writing GIVE.
The stability of each stroke of the pen allows you to rediscover the power of gentleness in relationships, instead of being led by your emotions.
- Sentence writing:
- I can be gentle and clear.
- I can be both gentle and clear.
- Writing Tips:
- Maintain consistent letter spacing, allowing the rhythm of your hands to become an "easy-to-get-along-with" bodily memory.
○ GIVE: Guiding suggestions for art therapy
This course transforms "the power of gentleness in relationships" into visual exercises, helping you visualize on paper how to ease tension in your relationships.
I. Gentle Lines Breathing Diagram
- Draw a slowly curving line to symbolize "gentleness".
- Draw another line that moves along with it, symbolizing "interest and following".
- Let the two lines extend naturally, creating a feeling of "not competing, not grabbing, but moving forward together".
II. Relationship Spot Map
- Draw several scattered points of light: This represents the affirmation you give to others.
- Draw a few more soft lines extending from you, symbolizing "easy to get along with".
- After completion, observe the overall atmosphere: This is the atmosphere of relationships that GIVE wanted to create.
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○ 1291. GIVE Relationship Maintenance · Log Guidance Suggestions
① Write down one detail of a relationship you want to improve today.
② Record which give technique you used (gentle/interested/affirmative/easy to get along with).
③ Write down the other person's reaction or your own feelings.
④ To summarize my experience: "Gentleness is not weakness, but..."“
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GIVE is not about giving in, but rather a gentle force that makes it easier for relationships to continue.
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