Lesson 1311: Behind my anger lies a grievance I dare not speak out.
Duration:75 minutes
Topic Introduction:
In the experience of Disruptive Mood Disorder (DMDD), "anger" is often perceived as the entirety of the experience: others only see you yelling, slamming doors, and refusing to communicate, but few are willing to stop and ask—behind this anger, how wronged, hurt, and lonely you truly are. This course focuses on "the unspoken grievances behind anger," helping you understand that frequent outbursts are not simply a matter of bad temper, but rather stem from long-term neglect, misunderstanding, denial, misinterpretation, and lack of seriousness, causing your heart to secretly accumulate disappointment with each outburst. We will practice breaking down "raw anger" into "more nuanced emotional vocabulary": resentment, loss, fear of abandonment, feeling unseen, anger at being treated unfairly, etc. The course combines the soothing effects of aromatherapy drinks, the symbolic "return to core truth" of Christian fasting therapy, the slow writing of Humanist script, and the silent contemplation of "mandalas are not about drawing something, but about observing," allowing you to learn to acknowledge that unspoken grievance before you explode.
▲ AI Interaction: Write down "the hurtful thought behind your anger"“
Think back to the three most recent times when you had an emotional outburst or almost broke down. Briefly write down what happened and who you were angry at or wanted to be angry at.
Then ask yourself: If the anger subsides even a little, what's the one thing you most want to say that makes you feel wronged? For example: "You've never listened to me properly even once." "You always think it's my problem." "You haven't seen how hard I'm trying to hold on."“
Please write down the "truthful sentence" for each scenario, and mark it: Did I have the opportunity to say it at that time? If not, what were I afraid of?
Click the button below to practice translating "anger" back into the language of "grievances and needs" with AI.
○ Feelings of Wrong Be Seen: Music Therapy
Choose a piece of music that is emotionally deep but not overly intense, and let the melody take you back to those moments when you were "just told you had a bad temper".
When listening, don't rush to forgive or reason; just allow yourself to admit one thing: "At that time, I was really wronged."“
Whisper to yourself in the music: "My grievances deserve to be heard, not just seen as 'you're throwing a tantrum again'."“
Aromatherapy Drink: Orange Blossom and Lavender Soothing Drink
Recommended reasons:Orange blossoms evoke feelings of being gently seen and embraced, while lavender soothes tension and exhaustion after anger, together helping the "wronged child" gradually relax from a defensive state.
usage:Steep 2g of orange blossom and 1.5g of lavender in 90℃ hot water for 4 minutes. When you take your first sip, silently tell yourself, "I have the right to be sad, and I also have the right to be treated well."“
○ Gentle Bean and Vegetable Soup (Christian Fasting Style)
After you get angry, many people only see your "outburst," and few people are willing to see the side of you "breaking down and crying after the outburst."
The spirit of fasting is to remove unnecessary noise and illusions and return to the most authentic core—and this bowl of gentle bean and vegetable soup symbolizes simplicity, softness, and a sense of security that can slowly warm you up.
On days when you're filled with grievances but can only express them through anger, preparing a light yet warm meal for yourself is like telling yourself:
“"Maybe no one understands me, but at this moment, at least I can properly feed this misunderstood and blamed self."”
Remove defenses
Returning to true feelings
Healing Recipes
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Psychological Mandala (Viewing)
Psychological Healing: Psychological Mandala - 58 Thoughts
A mandala is not about drawing something, but about observing it.
Imagine the center of the mandala as the unspoken grievance you've never uttered; the outer lines are labels that have been repeatedly misunderstood as "bad-tempered," "difficult," or "mischievous."
When you gaze into the center, silently tell that aggrieved part of yourself, "I hear you."“
There's no need to defend others, no need to immediately find out who's right and who's wrong. All you need to do is acknowledge that behind every outburst, there's actually a lonely you who's been trying so hard to endure for a long time.
As your gaze slowly moves along the outer edge, let those intricate lines remind you: others see only a fleeting moment, while you bear the weight of an entire history.
The process of watching is the process of choosing to stand on your own side.
○ Italian Renaissance · Humanist Script
Humanist Script's balanced rhythm is perfect for writing those grievances that you "want to say but dare not."
With each stroke of your pen, you are no longer just shouting or remaining silent, but giving yourself a chance to be heard properly.
- Sentence writing:
- Behind my anger, there is unspoken hurt.
- Behind my anger lies unspoken grievance.
- Writing Tips:
- Slow down and write each letter clearly and completely, as if you are saying to the world and to yourself: "This time, I will not hide my grievances until the end."“
○ Anger and Resentment: Guiding Suggestions for Art Therapy
When you are only seen for your "anger" but no one sees your "grievances," painting can help you bear those unspeakable feelings.
I. Two-layered emotional circle
- Draw two concentric circles: write "the emotions others see" on the outer circle, such as: angry, irritable, rebellious, cold-faced.
- Write "My true feelings" in the inner circle, such as: being ignored, being misunderstood, feeling disrespected, feeling lonely, feeling heartbroken.
- Look at how big the gap is between these two circles, and allow yourself to admit: I'm not "just someone who gets angry".
II. The Unspoken Grievances of the River
- Draw a river flowing from the left to the right of the picture, and imagine it as "the grievances that have not been spoken out over the years".
- Write down key events or sentences along both banks of the river: Who, what words, and what moments made you swallow your grievances time and time again?
- Finally, draw a small lake at the end of the river and write: "This is the place where I can slowly tell the truth."“
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○ 1311. Making Your Grievances Heard: Log Guidance Suggestions
① Write down the most recent scene where you were described as "throwing a tantrum," briefly recording the conversation and details.
② Ask yourself: If I were not allowed to use the word "angry", how would I describe how I felt at that time?
③ Write down the one hurtful thing you wanted to say to the other person but didn't say.
④ Complete the sentence: "Behind my anger, it was actually because..."“
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Many people will only judge you based on your anger, but will never truly listen to you finish explaining your grievances;
Hopefully, as this lesson begins, you can at least tell yourself: I understand, I'm not just "angry".
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