Lesson 1312: When I can't control myself, I want to be understood, not blamed.
Duration:75 minutes
Topic Introduction:
In the experience of disruptive mood disorder (DMDD), many people's greatest pain isn't just the "emotional breakdown itself," but the looks and accusations cast upon them afterward—"Why did you do that again?" "You did it on purpose!" "Why can't you be like others?" "You're so immature." Over time, you might even begin to believe: Am I really that bad, that excessive, that useless? This course aims to bring that statement back to life: "When I can't control myself, what I want most is to be understood, not blamed." We'll dissect together how many physiological and neural mechanisms, how much emotional capacity is suppressed, and how many old wounds and triggers are replayed behind the so-called "lack of control." We'll also practice how to communicate with trusted people afterward, giving them a chance to see your efforts, not just your outburst. The course combines the soothing effects of aromatherapy drinks, the symbolic "returning to one's true core" of Christian fasting, the steady writing rhythm of Humanist script, and the gazing exercise of "a mandala is not about drawing something, but about observing," to help you practice: before and after your next breakdown, strive to gain more space for understanding.
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▲ AI Interaction: Write down "My Efforts That I Truly Want to Be Seen"“
Please recall one or two instances where you were told "you're throwing a tantrum again" or "you have no self-control at all," and briefly describe the situation and the other person's reaction.
Then ask yourself: What efforts did I actually make before that? For example: I endured for a long time, tried to speak properly, gave in many times, tried to take deep breaths but still couldn't hold on.
Write down three sentences that you truly want others to know, such as: "It's not that I haven't tried to control it, I just don't have the strength anymore."“
Click the button below to practice with AI and rewrite the "story of blame" into a "story where effort and difficulty are both seen".
○ The yearning to be understood: Music therapy
Choose a gentle, slow, slightly melancholic but not oppressive piece of music to take you back to those moments when you were "already in pain, but still got scolded."
In music, there's no need to defend anyone. Just allow yourself to admit: "Back then, I really wished someone would pull me back instead of blaming me."“
She whispered to herself, "Even if no one understands, my pain is still real."“
○ Aromatherapy Drink: Soothing Drink with Orange Blossom, Chamomile, and Lavender
Recommended reasons:Orange blossoms symbolize being seen gently, chamomile soothes tense nerves, and lavender brings a sense of peace to the heart. They are perfect for days when you feel like you are being misunderstood as deliberately out of control, allowing your mind and body to slowly relax from a defensive state.
usage:Steep 1.5g orange blossom, 2g chamomile, and 1g lavender for 5 minutes. When drinking, imagine you are giving a "I'm on your side" drink to yourself who has been scolded, misunderstood, but still wants to try.
○ Simple Root Vegetable Soup (Christian Fasting Style)
The experience of being blamed will cause shame and self-doubt to accumulate in your heart. Over time, you will become too lazy to explain and simply swallow all your words.
The symbol of fasting is to remove unnecessary noise and return to the simplest and most authentic part.
This simple vegetable soup, made with carrots, potatoes, pumpkin, and a small amount of beans, is like a "quiet corner prepared for your true self":
Here, you don't need to behave well to be treated well; even after you lose control, you can still be treated gently.
Back to reality
To be seen again
Healing Recipes
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Psychological Mandala (Viewing)
Psychological Healing: Psychological Mandala Imagery 59
A mandala is not about drawing something, but about observing it.
Imagine the center of a mandala as a phrase you've never been properly told: "I really didn't mean to."“
The layers of lines on the outer ring symbolize the labels and accusations that have been repeatedly placed on you.
When you gaze into the center, silently repeat to yourself: "When I can't control myself, what I need most is to be understood, not to be sentenced."“
Let your gaze slowly shift from the complexity of the outer ring back to the tranquility of the center, as if saying to yourself: "Perhaps they don't know yet, but I can choose to understand myself first."“
Watching itself is an exercise in shifting attention away from others' comments and back to one's own true feelings.
○ Italian Renaissance · Humanist Script
Humanist Script's balanced structure and gentle strokes make it perfect for writing down things you've never been allowed to say.
With each stroke of your pen, you are practicing for yourself: even if I have been misunderstood, I can still firmly write out the truth.
- Sentence writing:
- When I lose control, I still deserve understanding.
- Even when I can't control myself, I still deserve to be understood.
- Writing Tips:
- Slow down, let each letter feel like a steady step, no longer overturning yourself because of others' blame; while writing, you can repeat this sentence in your mind, as if you are bearing witness for yourself.
○ The Desire to Be Understood: Guiding Suggestions for Art Therapy
Painting can transform the abstract desire to be understood into a visible image, creating an uninterrupted space for expression.
I. Two Islands of Blame and Understanding
- Draw two small islands: write "blame island" on the left and "understanding island" on the right.
- Write down the things you are often told on the island of blame; write down the things you truly need to hear on the island of understanding.
- Draw a small bridge between the two islands and name it "The Step I'm Willing to Try to Express My True Feelings".
II. Timeline of Efforts to Be Seen
- Draw a horizontal timeline and mark several key moments where you "tried very hard to control yourself, but still got scolded."
- Write down the effort you put into each node, instead of just the result.
- Let this image remind you: you've never been indifferent; it's just that so much effort has gone unnoticed.
Please log in before submitting your drawings and feelings.
○ 1312. The Desire to Be Understood: Journal Guidance Suggestions
① Write down the most recent situation in which you were blamed for "not being able to control yourself".
② List three efforts you have made before that, no matter how small.
③ Write a sentence you wish someone would say to you at that moment, instead of criticism.
④ Complete the sentence: "When I can't control myself, what I really need is..."“
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Many people may only see your loss of control, but they don't see how much effort you had put in before you lost control.
But from this moment on, please let yourself know: you are not just a "person who is blamed," you are also a person who longs to be understood and is willing to continue practicing.
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