Lesson 1319: Behind my behavior lies a signal of "I want to be understood".
Duration:75 minutes
Topic Introduction:
In the experience of disruptive mood disorder (DMDD), many behaviors may seem "intentional," "rebellious," or "unreasonable" to others, but you know best that those outbursts, rejections, slamming doors, silences, throwing things, and sudden disconnections are not actually meant to hurt anyone, but rather are signals you are sending with all your might—I can't hold on much longer, I need to be understood, seen, and caught.
This lesson will help you understand: why your body automatically reacts strongly when you feel wronged, misunderstood, ignored, or pressured; why sometimes you're not "unwilling to communicate," but rather "too afraid that communication will make things worse"; and why the more you want to be understood, the more easily your behavior is misunderstood. This lesson will guide you in identifying: what are your true needs behind those "unpleasant behaviors"? Are you asking for space, comfort, to be heard, to be respected, or are you asking for an end to the aggression?
The course combines the calming and soothing effects of aromatherapy drinks, the symbolic "returning to core needs" of Christian fasting, clear expression exercises in Humanist script, and the gazing exercise that "a mandala is not about drawing something, but about seeing," teaching you to see the needs beneath your behavior and to translate yourself more gently.
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▲ AI Interaction: Write the "real sentence" behind your behavior“
Please recall three recent scenarios in which you were "considered difficult to get along with": for example, suddenly getting angry, suddenly becoming cold, not replying to messages, closing doors, crying, talking back, or wanting to run away.
Next to each scene, write a sentence describing the surface behavior (e.g., "I yelled," "I slammed the door and left"), and then write the sentence below that you actually want to express, for example:
- “I’m not being unreasonable, I’m just too afraid of being blamed again.”
- “"I don't hate you, I just need to be hugged."”
- “"I'm not refusing to communicate, I'm just too tired to know what to say."”
The third step is to add a response to each "real sentence" that you would be willing to give yourself today, such as: "Back then, I really needed to be understood, not scolded."“
Click the button below to practice "translating your behavior" with AI, allowing you to express your true needs for the first time using language, not explosive language.
○ “I want to be understood” · Music therapy
Choose a song that makes you feel "someone understands me," perhaps one with powerful lyrics, a gentle melody, or a slow tempo.
When the music starts, don't immediately analyze your emotions; just let your body breathe gently in sync with the melody.
When you hear a lyric that particularly touches you, please stop and ask yourself:
“"What kind of need does this lyric resonate with me?" — To be understood, liked, affirmed, protected, and caught?
Let music help you bring your true needs to the surface, instead of letting the explosion continue to overwhelm you.
○ Aromatherapy Drinks: Orange Blossom, Chamomile, and Lavender - Mood-Translating Drink
Recommended reasons:Orange blossom makes you feel "I deserve to be treated well," chamomile soothes the hurt feelings after being misunderstood, and lavender calms you down from the brink of exploding. This tea is perfect for those moments when you "don't know how to express yourself," giving your nervous system a chance to return to a state of thinking.
usage:Steep 1.5g of orange blossom, 2g of chamomile, and 1g of lavender for 4–5 minutes. When you take your first sip, tell yourself, “I am not the problem; I am someone who needs to be understood.”
○ Simple Energy Bowl (Christian Fasting Style)
When you were misunderstood, urged, and asked to "be good" and "be obedient" from a young age, you may have become accustomed to hiding your true needs.
Fasting symbolizes "letting go of unnecessary external noise and leaving only the truth of the heart."
This simple meal, made with root vegetables, whole grains, and a few beans, reminds you that sometimes you don't need to perform, you don't need to be perfect, and you don't need to please others; you just need to return to the core message—
“"I wish someone could understand me even a little bit."”
Allowing yourself to eat a simple meal is allowing yourself to temporarily escape from the complex world and hear the deepest, most buried thoughts in your heart.
Honesty Needs
Reduce noise
Healing Recipes
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Psychological Mandala (Viewing)
Psychological Healing: Psychological Mandala - 66 Thoughts
A mandala is not about drawing something, but about observing it.
Looking at that quiet area in the center, imagine that it is "the little you who wants to be understood".
The dense, tangled, and chaotic lines on the outer ring represent the various defensive behaviors you've been forced to develop over the years—shouting, escaping, rejecting, turning cold, shutting down, and exploding.
When you gaze at the center, say to that part in your mind, "I know you're not bad, you just want to be seen."“
Let your gaze cycle between the center and the outer circle, and slowly understand: behavior is not everything; what you really want is to be understood, accepted, and allowed to be yourself.
○ Italian Renaissance · Humanist Script
When you've been misunderstood for years, you might also get used to misunderstanding yourself: mistaking your needs for capriciousness, your fears for temper, and your desire to be understood for "I'm too troublesome."
Humanist Script’s even letter spacing and clear structure act like a steady tone, helping you practice speaking authentic sentences in a gentler way.
- Sentence writing:
- I act this way because I want to be understood.
- Behind my actions is actually "I want to be understood".
- Writing Tips:
- Write these two sentences at a steady pace, without rushing or being impatient, keeping the letters at a stable distance from each other, as if you are striving for a clearer and less misunderstood position for yourself.
When you write, please silently repeat to yourself: I am not a bad kid, I am trying to let people hear my true feelings.
○ The Voice Behind the Behavior: Guiding Suggestions for Art Therapy
When you perceive behavior as "bad," "wrong," or "don't do that," you will forever overlook the real needs.
Drawing can help you express your needs in writing, instead of being overwhelmed by your actions.
I. Behavioral Translation Diagram: Outer and Inner Layers
- Draw a large circle, and write down recent behaviors on the outer edge: yelling, silence, running away, getting angry, turning off the phone, bursting into tears, etc.
- Write down the real needs behind these behaviors on the inner layer of the circle: to be heard, to be comforted, to be respected, to be accepted, to be protected, and to be understood.
- Let the images remind you: behavior is just the surface, needs are the core.
II. Requirements for the small light
- Draw a dimly lit street, and draw small lights in different locations. Each light symbolizes a different way you want to be understood.
- For example: I hope people will listen to me first, I hope to be treated gently, I hope not to be criticized, I hope someone will hug me, I hope I can have some space first.
- Write a caption on the picture: "These lights are my real signals, not misleading actions."“
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○ 1319. The Need to Be "Understood" - Log-Guided Suggestions
① Write down the most recent situation in which your behavior was misunderstood: What did others see, and what did you actually want to express?
② Record the real needs behind your behavior: Did you want to be heard? Did you want to feel safe? Did you want someone to be with you? Or did you want to stop the stress?
③ Write a sentence you would like to say to yourself in the future: "Next time I explode, I am willing to try to see what I really need first."“
④ Complete the sentence: "My behavior was not bad, but... I am willing to start learning to express these needs in a gentler, but more authentic way."“
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You're not deliberately creating trouble; you're trying to let the world see your heart.
May this lesson help you translate behavior into needs for the first time, and may it also help you believe for the first time that you deserve to be understood.
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