Lesson 1330: After the conflict, I needed some time to believe I was loved again.
Duration:75 minutes
Topic Introduction:
For children and adolescents with disruptive mood disorder (DMDD), the hardest part after a conflict is often not apologizing, explaining, or clarifying things, but rather "reaffirming that you are loved." The shame, guilt, fear, and self-denial that follow the outburst can make you feel like you've been pushed to the edge of relationships, as if any harsh word could kick you out of the world. You're not throwing a tantrum; you're trying to confirm: Am I still safe? Am I still accepted? Have I become "unneeded" because of that storm? This lesson will help you understand that the brain enters a "highly vulnerable period" after conflict, making it easy to misunderstand others' silence, expressions, and tone of voice, and amplify these into "You don't like me anymore" or "I ruined everything." Together we will learn how to stabilize our bodies after conflict, identify shame reactions, delay self-blame, and express the need to restore relationships. At the same time, through the gentle rhythm of Eastern healing tea, the nourishing symbolism of Chinese medicinal soups, the weighty structure of clerical script, and the gazing exercise of "a mandala is not about drawing something, but about looking at it," we will help you slowly, gradually return to the position of "I am worthy of being loved" after conflict, instead of remaining forever in the fragments of the storm.
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▲ AI Interaction: Write down the three sentences you need most after a conflict
Please recall your feelings after your most recent conflict and write down three key points:
- ① After a conflict, what are you most afraid of others saying? (For example, "That's enough," or "I don't want to deal with you anymore.")
- ② After a conflict, what is the one thing you most want to hear?
- ③ What was the sentence you wanted to say to someone but didn't have the courage to?
complete the sentences:
“"When I calm down after my outburst, what I need most is for you to tell me: I am still loved."”
○ Reconnecting After Conflict: Music Therapy
Choose a quiet, gentle, and non-jarring piece of music as a signal to "return to each other" after a conflict.
The rhythm of the music should be like a gentle swaying motion, slowly lowering your nervous system from high alert to "accessible".
For the first 20 seconds, place your hand on your chest and whisper:
“"I was in a lot of pain just now, but I still deserve to be loved."”
○ Eastern Healing Tea: Longan and Tangerine Peel Warming Tea
Recommended reasons:Longan symbolizes warmth and a sense of security from being enveloped, while dried tangerine peel symbolizes "rejuvenation and letting go of tension," making them ideal for self-soothing after conflict.
usage:Soak 2-3 longans and a little dried tangerine peel in hot water for 4-5 minutes.
While drinking, silently repeat: "I am slowly coming back, I have not been left behind."“
○ Lotus Seed and Peanut Nourishing Soup (Chinese Dietary Therapy - Soup)
Lotus seeds soothe the mind, while peanuts replenish qi; this is a typical food therapy combination symbolizing "relationship repair."
After a conflict, you often feel like "the one who ruined the relationship." The message this soup wants to convey is:
“You deserve to be caught again, and you deserve to be heard again.”
Please say something softly while drinking your soup:
“"I allow myself to be loved, rather than pushing myself away."”
Let the warmth slowly bring back your sense of value.
Calm the mind and stabilize emotions
Suitable for post-conflict recovery
Healing Recipes
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Psychological Mandala (Viewing)
Psychological Healing: Psychological Mandala - 81 Thoughts
A mandala is not about drawing something, but about observing it.
The shame that follows a conflict can prevent you from holding your head high, speaking out, or moving forward.
Please stare at the center of the mandala and let it become a symbol of "I am still worthy".
The outer pattern resembles a chaotic conflict;
The central point of light is like that little bit of perseverance in a relationship.
Looking at the center, he said softly:
“"I still deserve to be approached."”
The mandala will help you put this phrase into your body, allowing your faith to slowly recover.
○ Chinese calligraphy - Clerical script (Write a sentence for "Re-believing in being loved")
The weight and rhythm of the clerical script will make you feel grounded, stable, and not left behind when you write.
This isn't writing; it's etching "I deserve to be loved" into my very being.
- Sentence writing:
- Even after the conflict, I still deserve to be loved.
- After conflict, I am still worthy of love.
- Writing Tips:
- Take a deep breath before each stroke and relax your chest a little.
Slowly, I wrote out the word "worth it"—
These are not moral judgments, but rather the value of your life.
○ Self-repair after conflict: Art therapy exercises
After a conflict, you often feel "broken," and painting can help you find the "part that is still there."
I. Relationship Cracks and Repair Diagram
- Draw a crack: to represent conflict.
- Draw repair lines next to the crack: such as kintsugi, stitching, or patchwork.
- Symbolic relationships don't end when they're broken; they can be repaired, mended, and continued.
II. Self-worth Reset Diagram
- Draw a circle in the center and write "I deserve it" on it.
- Write down the negative beliefs you are likely to believe after the conflict on the outer circle: "I am disliked" "I messed up".
- Draw another line to separate the center from the outer circle, symbolizing that those beliefs are not you.
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○ 1330. "Re-believing in being loved" after conflict: journaling guidance suggestions
① Write down what you fear most about others' opinions of you after a conflict.
② Write down the sentence you most want someone to say to you.
③ Complete the sentence: "It's not that I don't want to fix it, I just..."“
④ Write a sentence to yourself: "I deserve to be loved, even if I have lost control in the storm."“
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Conflict won't erase love; shame may, but you can slowly recover. May you rediscover that glimmer of "I am worthy" in this lesson.
Let it take you back to where you are loved.
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