Lesson 1290: Dear Man's Request: Clear Expression and Negotiation of Goals
Duration:70 minutes
Topic Introduction:Dear Man helps you express yourself more clearly and consistently in important requests. By describing facts, expressing feelings, making requests, stating outcomes, and maintaining focus and a negotiating stance, you can reduce beating around the bush, outbursts, or excessive apologies. Clear communication is not selfish; it makes it easier for others to understand you and allows relationships a chance to respond healthier.
○ Course Topic Audio
Lesson 1290: Dear Man's Request: Clear Expression and Negotiation of Goals
Click to view the read-aloud text
This lesson is titled "DEAR MAN: Clearly Expressing and Negotiating Goals." First, relax a bit; don't rush to judge yourself or categorize your experiences as good or bad. DEAR MAN is a set of tools to help you make requests. D stands for Describing the facts, without exaggeration or aggression; E stands for Expressing feelings, such as worry, sadness, or a need for support; A stands for Making a clear request, not leaving the other person guessing; R stands for Describing positive outcomes. MAN reminds us to maintain mindfulness, avoid being distracted, project confidence, speak in a stable tone, and negotiate when necessary. It makes your true needs easier to hear, rather than being shrouded in emotions. Learning this section isn't about labeling yourself, but about clearly seeing recurring pain, relationship tensions, and physical alarms. When you can articulate what happened, emotions are no longer completely like a fog; they begin to have names, boundaries, and accessible entry points. This course can help you organize and practice, but it cannot replace doctors, therapists, or crisis intervention. If you are experiencing intense self-harm or suicidal thoughts, or if your safety is no longer guaranteed, please contact your local emergency services, crisis hotline, doctor, psychologist, or someone you trust immediately. After listening, give yourself a minute to write down the most touching sentence of the day, and a small, safe, and achievable act of care. Prioritize safety; postpone relationship decisions and major decisions until your emotions have subsided. While practicing, take care of your body; drink some water, sit still, and return to the present moment. After listening, record a feeling of peace and a small action you can take today. If the content triggers old wounds, leave the source of the stimulus and seek trusted support. Perform today's practice gently and slowly; don't force yourself to improve immediately. True change often begins with a small pause, with a choice that doesn't harm yourself. If you can only accomplish a little, acknowledge that it's a genuine effort. When you're willing to observe yourself instead of immediately blaming yourself, a new path has already opened.
AI Healing Q&A
When discussing this lesson with AI, please try to clearly describe, express, request, negotiate, and set goals as described in Dear Man. AI will help you organize your DBT skills, relationship choices, and safety barriers, but it cannot replace psychotherapy; if you repeatedly experience dangerous behaviors or suicidal thoughts, please contact a doctor, psychologist, or emergency resources as soon as possible. Just a little bit today. Don't force yourself. Safety first. You are not alone. You can pause now. May you be supported. Take your time.
○ Music therapy guidance
Music therapy guidance is used to prepare before practicing the Dear Man request. While playing soft music, break down what you want to say into facts, feelings, requests, and results. After listening, remove any aggression, threats, and assumptions, keeping only clear expression. The music helps slow down your speech and preserves space in the relationship. Take it slow; don't rush to change things. Keep the volume gentle. Let your breathing return slowly. Note any physical changes after listening. Pause immediately if you feel uncomfortable. Contact professional support if necessary.
○Eastern and Western Healing Teas
○ Western Healing Tea - Citrus Blossom Tea
introduce:Citrus blossom tea is loved for its refreshing, sweet flavor. It has a relaxing and soothing effect, and is especially helpful in relieving low mood and anxiety caused by depression.
usage:Add 2-3 dried citrus blossoms to warm water and steep for 5-10 minutes each time. Suitable for drinking when you need to relax, especially at night, it helps improve sleep quality.
Course Reminder:After completing the "DEAR MAN Request: Clear Expression and Negotiation of Goals" course, please treat tea drinking as a gentle daily support, not a therapeutic substitute. Observe your emotional intensity, physical tension, sleep, and stomach reactions before and after drinking tea to help you gradually establish a stable rhythm.
Notice:If you are pregnant, have a chronic illness, are using medications, have allergies, liver or kidney disease, or have blood pressure or blood sugar problems, please follow the advice of your doctor or nutritionist first. If you experience suicidal thoughts, uncontrollable impulses, or severe insomnia, please contact offline professional resources in a timely manner.
○ Healing Recipes
○ Ancient Roman Dietary Therapy: Basil Tomato Tofu Bowl
Recommended dishes:Basil Tomato Tofu Bowl Recommended reasons:The "DEAR MAN" request emphasizes facts, feelings, and a clear request. The basil, tomato, and tofu bowl, with its distinct structure and mild flavor, is suitable for reminding learners to organize their expressions in layers, rather than letting emotions overwhelm them. Recipe (1–2 servings): practice: When serving this dish, please slow down and observe the color, aroma, temperature, and your hand movements. Remind yourself: I don't need to become stable all at once; I just need to complete the small act of care that I can manage in this moment. Before consuming, please pause for three breaths and observe your current emotional intensity, physical tension, and sense of security. Remind yourself: food is not a tool to control emotions, but a gentle support to help your body establish rhythms. Take your first bite slowly, savoring the temperature, texture, and feeling of fullness. If you experience significant mood swings today, please record the portion size, time of consumption, and your body's reaction as part of your long-term care. Video Title:Basil, Tomato, and Tofu Bowl: A gentle and nourishing meal suitable for emotional stability and daily care during borderline personality disorder courses. hint:If you experience self-harm thoughts, suicidal ideation, uncontrollable impulses, severe dissociation, persistent insomnia, or personal safety risks, please contact local emergency services, crisis hotlines, or offline professional resources immediately.Click to view healing recipes
◉ Ancient Roman Dietary Therapy: Basil Tomato Tofu Bowl
I. Recommended Dietary Therapy and Reasons
2. Recipe and Method
3. Small rituals for body and mind
4. Dietary Therapy Experience Record
V. Instructional Videos (approximately 3–5 minutes)
6. Precautions
○Mandala Healing
Dear man is like the clear and orderly lines of a mandala. When observing, think about the needs you want to express; can you be more specific and stable? Expressing yourself doesn't mean arguing, nor does it mean you're being troublesome. Clearly stating your needs is a crucial skill in relationships. Do just a little today. No need to force yourself. Put safety first. You are not alone. You can pause now. May you be supported. Please take your time. Take care of yourself first. Do just a little today. No need to force yourself.
● AI Dynamic Geometric Vision Focus and Emotion Regulation Engine ●
AI Dynamic Geometric Vision Focus and Emotion Regulation Engine · v7.0.0
Before we begin, I'd like to know how you feel right now.
There is no standard answer; just choose the one that best reflects how you feel right now.
The experience is over. Tell us how you feel now.
There is still no standard answer; just choose the one that best reflects how you feel right now.
#FF5252
After the fluorescent line crawling is completed and stopped, first select a color, then click on the closed area in the graphic to fill in the color.
AI Digital Mandala Static Focus EngineAZ Image Coloring · 60 Colors
AI Digital Mandala Interactive Focus Engine
A–Z Free Selection · Layered Lines · 60 Color Fills
○ Calligraphy and engraving therapy practice
Before expressing your request, take a short time to write something down, allowing your emotions to calm down from their peak. During practice, don't rush to organize your thoughts; just focus on stabilizing your breathing and hand strength. Once your body has calmed down a bit, then state the facts, your needs, and your request; communication will be much clearer. Do just a little today. Don't force yourself. Put safety first. You are not alone. You can pause now. May you be supported. Please take your time. Take care of yourself first. Do just a little today. Don't force yourself. Put safety first.
○ Art Therapy Guidance
Dear Man can be drawn as a clearly expressed path. The starting point is facts, the middle is feelings and requests, and the end is negotiation and boundaries. Don't make the path too crowded; leave some pauses. Clear expression requires practice; it doesn't mean you're being difficult, but rather that relationships need clearer communication. Do just a little today. No need to force yourself. Put safety first. You are not alone. You can pause now. May you be supported. Please take your time. Take care of yourself first. Do just a little today. No need to force yourself.
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○ Diary Healing Suggestions
Today's journal entry suggests starting with, "Recall a time when you had a need but didn't clearly articulate it. If you could do it again, how would you more clearly express your facts, feelings, requests, and boundaries?" While writing, don't judge yourself; just put your experience, emotions, physical reactions, and thoughts on paper. If you feel uncomfortable writing, you can stop and take a breath. Finally, here's a small reminder to help you take care of yourself earlier next time. Take your time. Take care of yourself first. Doing even one thing today is good. Don't push yourself too hard. May you be treated gently. Take your time. Take care of yourself first.
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May you gradually return to a more stable, clear-headed, and gentler version of yourself through today's practice.